Fading In The Air
by kiba kai
Summary: There was a time when the perfect soldier let go of his mask.. but maybe it's too late (Shounen Ai, 1x3!!)


Fading in the Air

Disclaimer : I didn't own them, no.. thanks sunrise..   
Pairing : 1+3 (of course!)   
Catagory : Angst   
Note : This fanfic is '1x3/3x1 Silent Passion's fanfic contest' entry! ~^_^~ 

=====================================================   
-Fading In the Air-   
by Kai   
===================================================== 

It was an unpleasent morning. The sky was bright and the weather was clear...but... 

Heero Yuy was sitting in their living room, eyes seeing nothing, ears hearing nothing. The only thing he could think about right now was Trowa... 

Trowa went off yesterday on a mission with Duo. It was a tough mission; no Gundams, no weapons and no communications. The professors ordered them to sneak in OZ's base for secret information, so this job had be done undercover. And it was those two since Heero's face was seen by 'the Lightning Count', Quatre was a famous heir of the Winners and Wufei used to duel with the enemy's general 'Treize Krushrenada'. 

The mission's deadline had already reached the 5 hour mark, and had passed it. Duo only sent opne contact, he said they were split up because he almost got caught and Trowa went back to cover all the evidence they left behind. At least Duo was safe but...Trowa... 

Heero was spending his time staring at his laptop and connection. His head turned left and right mindlessly and his hands clutched tight enough to draw blood. 

"Damn it! What's wrong with me?! Clam down!" He yelled out and cursed himself over and over. He let the furious moment pass, that wasn't helping. It was terrible...knowing Trowa was in danger and that he could do nothing. 

Wufei and Quatre went off to find them, leaving Heero here for gathering information and changing the plan if the situation altered unexpectedly. Heero exhaled in frustration and realized that he was going crazy. So...he decided to take a walk. Since they all just moved into this safehouse a couple of weeks ago, there must be something worth looking for. He turned on the message signal and the incoming contact alert to max level and got up. 

He went out the back door; there's only a small orchard and wooden fence here...nothing much. When he turned around, he spotted something moving inside the house. 

He peeked through the windows. It was Trowa's room, and the white pages of a book on the table were the moving objects. He went back into the house and stopped at Trowa's door. Hesitantly, he placed his hand on the door knob, took another deep breath and pushed in. 

His room was neat and well organized, even though they just moved in and had little time on their own. He turned to that book, its pages were flipping by the wind outside showing some written pages. Heero quickly scanned the text and noticed that it was Trowa's diary. He wasn't sure if it was his rudeness or his curiousity about Trowa that made him dare to read it... 

It was a normal diary, talking about their friendship, their normal activities but their true indentities were excluded. But he saw one page that made his heart jump. It was his name. 'Heero' was all that was written on the entire page, over and over Trowa wrote them... until the end. There was the trace of a wet spot on it...it looked like a teardrop... 

Slowly but firmly he shut the book... 

Heero retreated from the room, closed the door behind him and let his body slide down, his heartbeat still heard loud and clear in his chest, his face covered with his hands. 

'God...Trowa, did he...' almost afraid of think further... '...feel the same?' 

Suddenly the incoming contact signal filled the room. Faster than his thought, he reached for it. It was Wufei. 

"Chang." 

"Yuy. We found Maxwell. He was badly injured. We just took him to the hospital." 

"How bad? Give me the details." 

"Looks like he was sliding down the slope by the street. Both his arms and a few ribs were broken. We found him unconscious" 

"What about Trowa?" 

"We haven't found him yet. Now Winner is with Maxwell and I'm driving back to the base's location." 

"..." 

"Yuy?" 

"..." 

"Yuy? Are you still there?" 

"Y..yes." 

"You know, he's gonna be alright." 

"Thanks, Chang." 

He hung up the speaker and slumped back to the floor, his hand pressed to his mouth, preventing him from crying out loud. 'Trowa... where are you?' Sob after sob, he tried to suppress them...slowly but painfully he drifted to sleep... 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Heero woke up again by the tiny sound at the front door. Due to his exhaustion he didn't move, but somehow he managed to grab the gun that was hidden under the sofa. He aimed toward the door. Quietly it swung open and the one who was standing beyond it was...Trowa... 

Trowa saw Heero's hands with the gun. It dropped but he didn't say anything. Trowa realized that Heero was a little bit shocked by his presence. He also noticed the dried trail of tears on his face. 

'Heero...had he been crying? Why? Or was it because of me?' He looked into Heero's eyes; they told him something. 'Oh, Heero...do you really care?' 

"Heero." Trowa called out 

"..." 

"Heero..." He called again and this time he woke the Wing pilot to his sanity. 

"Trowa..." Heero replied softly, awarded with his trembling voice. 

"Heero, sorry that I didn't contact you. I had no chance." He wasn't sure about Heero's feeling, but his expression was so...convinced. With all his secret feelings for the Japanese youth, Trowa had tensed up. But he decided to take a chance. He walked closer to Heero, their eyes were bound, their breathing unstable...this is the very moment they had both been waiting for since they had met each other. Slowly their lips met in the light touch...it was just a butterfly kiss but it sent a shiver up their spines. 

'No.' The stupid ideals of the Perfect Soldier grabbed him up from drowning into the sea of passion...he turned his face away and said in his stony tone again. "You should take a rest. I'll contact Chang." 

Trowa was stunned and felt embaressed. He thought it was just a misread signal. They both fell into a cruel silence before Trowa gathered all his strength to...walk away. 

'Damn! I almost let him...' Heero cursed. Love or not, he wouldn't let it happen. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

A week had passed since that day. Trowa and Heero didn't talk to each other. There was a strange tension between them, but none of the others knew because they were both the silent type. 

Trowa usally locked himself in his room. He only had that kiss displayed in his head over and over. He regretted his action. It had destroyed the friendship they had. Heero totally ignored him...he was in hell. 

Heero's state of mind wasn't much different from Trowa. For him, love and passion weren't allowed in a soldier's life. He was trained that way. But he must find something else to do to pull him up from the dark pit of his unknown depression. He went to his laptop and there was a message. A mission. He studied its strategy and his face went pale. It was the hardest mission they had ever been assigned to. They must attack two nuclear bases at the same time, and each base had an uncountable amount of Mobile Dolls stationed. He calculated the possibility of the mission. If they divided their team into 3:2 the survival rate would be 40:10. But...if divided into 4:1 it would be 80:0.... 

He closed his eyes wearily and looked at the photo that Duo gave him, it was pinned on the board over the desk. That photo had all of them together but only Quatre and Duo were smiling. He trailed his fingertip over Trowa's face for a moment and finally drew it back. He swallowed nothing and turned to the monitor. He deleted the message and left for the living room. 

"The mission." Heero announced, drawing attention from Quatre, Duo and Wufei from the chess game. "Where's Trowa?" He asked. 

"He's in his room. I'll go get him." Duo replied, but abruptly the door swung open. Trowa walked out silently and sat on the chair. 

"The mission is to disable or destroy the nuclear system along with as many Mobile Dolls as we can. We need 4 units for the job." 

"I'll go." Wufei said along with the rest of them. 

"Duo, are you sure?" Heero asked. 

"Yes. I'm fully recovered." Duo said and smiled broadly. 

"Then, it's all set. Four of you study this strategy and check on your Gundams." He handed them the papers and went back to his room. 

Heeo locked the door and threw his weary body to his bed. He faced the dark ceiling and whispered to himself softly. "Life is cheap, especially mine..." 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

2 days later : mission date 

The five Gundam pilots were prepared to launch the operation at the hangar. They reviewed their positions to Heero and were about to separate for their Gundams. 

"Hey." Heero called out. All of them turned to him and he continued... "Good luck." They all nodded to him except Trowa. He looked at Heero doubtfully before Wufei told him to go. 

When they were far from Heero, Duo said to the others; "Strange." 

"What is it, Duo?" Quatre asked. 

"He never wishes us luck." Duo shrugged and climbed up. 

Trowa had an uneasy feeling and took a last glance at Heero, who was looking back with the insensitve expression... 

When they all took off, Heero went to change into his combat suit. In the locker room, he was looking at his face in the mirror. He curved a smile wearily and said in a silent voice "Goodbye." 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The mission was deadly, even for the well-trained Gundam pilots. Trowa and Quatre were shot twice but they had Duo and Wufei back them up and managed to get out after locking the nuclear system permanently and blowing up the base. They sent a contact to Heero but there was no response...they sensed something wasn't right and hurried back to the safehouse. 

"Jeez, he isn't here. Where the hell is he?" Duo murmered in frustration. Quatre and Trowa went to check in Heero's room and they found their photograph lying on the bed. 

"What are you doing, Trowa?" Quatre asked when Trowa turned on the laptop. 

"Checking on the mission tasks." he answered, his voice steady but his heart was beating madly. He found it in the back up system(*); what the real purpose of the mission was... 

"Two bases..." 

"What do you mean?" Quatre asked. 

"There were two bases and he planned to go alone!" Unable to control his usual self anymore, he cursed and went to the communicator that Wufei was checking. 

"Back off, Wufei!" He pushed Wufei aside and grabbed the speaker. 

"What is it, Barton!?" 

Trowa contacted Wing but the radio wave was jammed. He tried to contact again. 

"Heero, Heero, Do you hear me? Heero, answer me!" 

"What happened?" Duo and Quatre followed Trowa. "I don't know either." 

"Goddamnit! Heero, answer!" 

"..ZzzZ...ZZzz.. Trowa..zzZ.." 

"Heero! Where are you?! Get back here now!" 

"Trowa..zz..I'm sorry.." 

"What are you talking about? Heero do you hear me?" 

"Tro..a... zzZz Tro..." 

"Heero!" 

Wufei placed his hands on Trowa's shoulder and remarked "Easy, Barton. The radio is jammed, he can't hear you." 

"And what do you expect me to do?! Think about our mission, we had 4 units and we almost didn't make it! What about him?! He's alone! For Christ's sake..." Trowa yelled back and the tears began to seep from his emerald eyes. 

"Trowa.." Quatre almost didn't believe his eyes that this was his quiet comrade, that always calmmed everyone down with his determined look. 

"..Trowa..zz.." The radio was activated again. Trowa rushed to it and said, "Heero! Listen, whatever you do: Don't self-destruct." 

"....zz..." 

"Heero! Dammit!" He slammed his fist on the table, Wufei and Duo tried to hold him still. Quatre took his place and tried to make contact again. 

"Trowa...please be careful..." 

"Heero! Heero, Don't!" Trowa cried out and struggled to free himself but it was useless...it was too late... 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

In the Wing cockpit, Heero placed his finger on the red button. The yellow light was glowing around him. The fragile memory rushed over him; Trowa's face and that heart broken kiss... 

"Trowa, I'm sorry...I should have told you when I had a chance...I... love you." 

And he pushed the button...His world slowly turning white...the bright light embraced him and his last smile was fading...in the air... 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"Heero! Nooo!" 

fin~ 

===================================================== 

(*) like a recycle bin on your desktop ^^' 

Kai : another 1x3! you can say you hate me for this ^^' but ahhh.. thanks for reading anyway...my inspiration for this fic? of course! Damoyre's kind words at GWA board and.. Moulin Rouge!, I dunno but it came to me while I watched it even though they had a little connection.. or not at all ^^' 

Edited by : Becky Chan 


End file.
